Why Don’t Some People Want To Change?

As a coach I often come across those people that think they want to change but just don’t want to put the work in necessary to get the changes they seek. I find it hard to understand as I’m constantly looking for ways to make myself better and to grow as a person. This makes me ask the question ‘Why don’t people put the work in to solve their problems?’

Is it due to the quick fix society that we seem to be in where change needs to happen straight away? It can happen quickly if you have enough leverage to make that change. For example, if you knew that it would save you from death, but you had to eat only vegetables for the rest of your life. Chances are that you would make that change right away.

Yet if I told you to do something every day for twenty minutes and in six months you will start to feel calmer and happier. The chances of you doing it regularly are slim as you are not seeing the rewards straight away. Also, you have never experienced a quiet mind constantly therefor you don’t know what you’re missing, it’s the unknown.

The unknown is always a challenge when you think about change especially in my industry as your offering something that clients have never experienced. You are opening their understanding of why they do something and how to break the pattern. Often, they don’t even know they were doing it and how much it was affecting their life and those around them.

It is truly the brave that step on the ladder of change and invest in coaching to have someone help and support them on this new unknown road. At times it will feel uncomfortable and unnatural as you walk on a path without knowing the final destination. All you know is that it will be better than the place you just left.

We all know one person that likes to complain about everything but when you give them a solution, they look at you like your mad and often say ‘I couldn’t do that’. This is because they have connected their identity to the problem, so to solve the problem or offer solutions they must change their identity and that is scary stuff to the average person. These people will rarely change until something major happens in their life. It is best to accept them as they are and stop offering solutions and just listen to their complaints.

The other people that can get stuck are those that expect other people to change and have expectations of how they should behave. I can still struggle with this myself as I can see the untapped potential in other people and desire for them to step into that new future. But if people don’t pay me for coaching, then I need to accept that they are likely happy doing these behaviours or being stuck with those problems because if they weren’t, they would make a change and ask for coaching.

If you’re struggling with trying to change one of the quickest ways to help is to leave your current environment. Move to a new house or job, go travelling, join a new gym the different environment will help you to start to build a new identity. This is key to lasting change is building the new you and having time to make it so strong there is no going back.

When a person becomes so uncomfortable with their environment or with the busy mind that won’t shut up. Then they will look for change and search out solutions to the problem that will have them walking on a road to a new destination. But until that time, we just need to accept that these people will not change.

Are you a changer or a problem holder?